It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
