Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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