thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
