i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
