in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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