Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
