He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
