i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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