oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
