Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
