Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
