I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
