and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
