When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
