There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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