What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
