i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
