her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
