You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
