I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if only i could text you this smell
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
