So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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