So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
as a side note pls kill me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
