Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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