either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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