i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
