sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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