the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
