That's intense
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
People in love make me want to vomit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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