Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
