My room smells like vodka and shame
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
