my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
