you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
