How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
