Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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