Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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