I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
