An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
