why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
