I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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