Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
someone owes me an orgasm
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
