Cold hands, warm shart.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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