you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
