I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
