All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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