remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
