Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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