last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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