I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
