That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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