farters have to be the big spoon...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
