I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
