Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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